how to live like a monk?

I have certainly strayed. Not from any faith or done anything wrong. But strayed from the path, the route, the task I set myself when this blog began.

It was lovely to read back over it. And to remember the idea that had started it - that no-one is wholly responsible for or able to control themselves, there is another hand at play; that of "God".

I am working on a part-time basis again and have been for a month now. Finding it very hard to go easy on myself and not beat myself up when I don't achieve something with my afternoon. Reading back over the importance of meeting people or simply being in better form and less tired if I meet them later on served as a good reminder of why I made the decision. The money is much less and I had hoped to have another means of income up and running by september - which I may yet or may not, I must be gentle with myself. I am managing, more than managing, to survive on my current income.

And with all this beating myself up, I've left very little time for spiritual thoughts, looking for God, seeking peace. I've thought of doing it, I've realised I'd like time out.

In fact, I contemplated living as a Monk. Not a nun. I don't know why I make the differentiation because of course, being a woman, the life of a nun makes more sense.

To spend the day eating, sleeping, and in contemplation. That sounds like my kind of cup of tea.

If my contemplations were a little less self-focussed, it'd be a start.