Gann ar Ola

Rith mé as ola. Rith mé as airgead agus rith mé as ola. Tá cónaí orm i dteach mór a tógadh sna 1970idí nó 90idí. Tá géar gá le tuilleadh insliú - ní fhanann teas sa teach in aon chor.
Ach buíochas le Dia tá tine oscailte sa seomra suite agus tine leictreach sa chistin. Is féidir uisce a théamh le leictreachas. Mar sin níl aon ábhar gearáin agam! Is iomaí duine atá fuar is dócha agus gan na háiseanna sin ar fáil dóibh.
 
Taitníonn sé liom tine a lasadh agus teas a chur ar fáil dom féin sa seomra suite. Ach tá sraon ar mo chuid oibre freisin dar ndóigh - níl m'oifig nó mo stuideó teolaí. Fiú agus breis geansaithe orm!
Amanta is maith an rud sraonta - tá fadhbanna dá chuid féin i gceist le fuílleach roghanna.

Innisfree, the reality

Peace does come dropping slow.
And loneliness too.
I arose and went, I stepped off the pavement grey and sought out the bee-loud glade.
I took a small cabin, obeyed that which I heard at the heart's core. And maybe I need to give it a bit more time but right now I feel there is a lot to be said for living in the metropolis; the ready company, the easy access to other farflung places, the availability of everything.
Bees and honeybees and honey are one thing.
Linnets and purple haze are all very well.
Beans taste good but sushi does too.
The reality is, Mr Yeats, I miss my friends, I loathe having to travel for everything and invariably spend a night away from home, a structure of wattle and clay takes a lot of effort to maintain and upkeep. Effort which I, frankly, (and you too) would rather spend on creative intellectual pursuits.
I'm happy I am here, I'm happy to have the opportunity to try it out. It is an experiment. I don't mind my dreams being trod on. No treading softly around here.

Caoldra

Tá cónaí orm i mbaile fearainn Chaoldra le 5 mhí anuas anois. Bhog mé isteach ar an 26ú Bealtaine agus tá muid anois i mí Deireadh Fomhair - agus an Geimhreadh ag druidim linn.

Tá Caoldra i gCondae Liatroma. Loch álainn den ainm chéanna timpeall an cúinne ón teach.
Ach faraor, tá luchóga ag déanamh a mbealach isteach sa tigín anois. Tá orm an áit a roinnt. Agus ní theastaíonn housemates uaim, go háirithe má táim len iad a mharú. Thrastnaigh siad an teorainn. Seo m'áitse, níl fáilte romhaibh.

Bhí cónaí orm i Má Nuad agus mé páirteach i "Resilient Community" ansin agus le feirm darbh ainm Derrybeg Farm. Sampla de Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) is ea an feirm. Bhí cairdis nua á bhunú agam agus daoine breátha á chastáil orm... agus d'fhág mé i mo dhiaidh iad.

Theastaigh níos mó spáis uaim. Bím ag obair ón mbaile. Theastaigh seomra uaim do gach tasc! Seomra suite, seomra bia/cistin, seomra leapan, seomra staidéir / oifig, seomra fúála, seomra folcadh. Agus tá siad sin ar fad agam.
Scríobhfaidh mé níos mó arís, táim éigcinnte faoina bhfuil uaim. Faoi dheacrachtaí an tuath etc.

An experiment in country living

I've taken a house in Leitrim. Renting. Found it on daft. It was advertised as a three-bedroom house. But really it has two reception rooms and two bedrooms. At any rate, it has more space than the apartment I was sharing with a flatmate in Maynooth. Here, I can afford the rent for the full house on my own.
The reason I moved, in one sentence is:

I wanted more space

I work as a freelancer. And I have taken up dressmaking. So I need an office and a sewing-studio.
But other ideas and reasons that I moved were...

• living in the countryside
• a more "simple" way of life

There is an aspiration among some of my friends to live "off-grid". It is seen as a badge of honour. To be able to live off-grid. To shun the world, society and all ills that goes with it and compose your own requirements and bring them about. I don't go this far, I think off-grid is often only made possible with the use of a solar voltaic cellular panel - and what kind of society brought that about?! It can't be all bad! Why shun it? But that's unfair, not all off-griders are shunners. In fact, in some remote locations, it's practical to generate one's own electricity, heating etc.
So yes, some part of me wanted to challenge this within myself and wonder if it's something I aspire to and how I might go about it if it was...
Additionally

• get away from people

People tire me, exhaust me, confuse me, distract me from my own thoughts. It would be nice to get away from cities and people. And on the flip-side, with the people I would meet, hopefully the relationships would be more real and not formed from a basis of consumerism.
My fear, however, was that I would go mad with loneliness.

The first few days, the weather was unusually cold for late May... all thoughts of avoiding oil-fired heating and lighting daily fires in the fireplaces quickly disappeared with the effort required. The unrelenting task of keeping an eye on the fires. Having fuel in stock. Cleaning. The dirt. Within week, I had rung the oil company and got a fill for the tank out the back. I am a cold person, I like to be comfortably warm. Learning point #1. I *could* do fire-lighting but I'd need to have prepared a stock of fuel in advance and it would become a large eater of my time. I'd rather do other things with my time and my life than enabling my living. If there's a switch I can flick, that's enabling thinking and more complex forms of living and engaging with life. Maslow, I was paying attention to your theory of the Hierarchy of Needs.

Space.
Undoubtedly, having space is wonderful. Although breaking up my duties and tasks into separate rooms, i.e. eating and food preparation = kitchen; leisure activities = sitting room; sewing = sewing room; work = office; hasn't really worked out because the sun and the light is different during the day and it was awful to have my office in the north-facing small room in the back. I think good design can compensate for lots of space though. For example, my bedroom doesn't need to be so big. Especially seeing as I have a dressing room in a separate room to my sleeping/bed room!

Internet
Also, very early on, I realised internet is a huge part of my life now. Mobile phone reception was poor so I got a landline telephone. I tried a few options of internet - having concluded that going to the local library was not feasible for a freelancer (especially one working in the publishing industry!) - and ended with a satellite dish. Excellent internet access now. Even without my work, I think it's hard to live in the modern life without internet - notices are posted online or on facebook now, posters and signs and newsletters can't be relied on for full updates, mind you word of mouth is still the best. I've heard of dance classes and a watercolour painting group and a Crafty Ladies get-together through the people I've met at a knitting circle.

Rubbish
Oddly, dealing with my rubbish and waste is something I *am* happy to tackle. I choose my purchases a little more carefully in the supermarket. I haven't paid for a rubbish collection. I burn some of my waste (paper), and compost some more. I admit to using my mam's or my aunt's waste collection but it certainly is getting me to think about waste generation, packaging etc and these problems are something I am happy to tackle and overcome - unlike internet access for example!

Loneliness and restriced activities are definitely a challenge. I have to drive everywhere. I don't have any friends yet. I have met a French artist/farmer and we are enjoying each other's company, I go to a knitting group in a nearby library.

Ar dhein mé cúram díom féin inniu?

Is fealsúnaí é mo dheartháir. Rinne sé staidéar ar an bhfealsúnacht san ollscoil. Inné, dúirt sé rud an-chiallmhar. Bhíomar ag caint faoi athrú dearcadh. Meon a athrú i leith an chaoi a mbreathnaíonn tú ar suíomh faoi leith. Go gcabhraíonn sin le dearfacht agus pléigh le suíomhanna áirithe. Mar shampla, in ionad bheith mí-shona faoin bpost atá agam, glacaim leis go bhfuil ceangail agam le Baile Átha Cliath mar gur ansin atá an oifig.
Tá muid beirt freisin ag obair asainn féin go cruthaíodh; go neamhspléach ó fhostóir. Árdaíonn seo an cheist: "Cad is lá fiúntach ann?" Tháinig athrú dearcadh ar mo dheartháir le déanaí i leith na ceiste seo. An cheist nua atá aige ná: "Ar dhein mé cúram díom féin inniu?", sé sin "ar ith mé go maith?", "an bhfuair mé fuíollach codladh?", "an ndearnadh mé cleachtadh coirp?" agus mar sin de. Agus má tá freagra dearfach leis an cheist, sin lá fiúntach.

"How to be Idle"

I've blogged about the guilt I feel associated with working part-time. I've tried to justify it by making appointments with friends and relatives. By using my time for others, not just for myself.

This great book quotes from other authors, speech-makers, poets, philosophers.

Doing nothing never harmed anyone. I paraphrase but it's hard to argue. Unless, of course, doing nothing is letting bad stuff happen. But let's not get into too complex an argument.

It's my new "bible". It's not about being lazy. But about taking pleasure from things like stopping for a cup of tea. And there's nothing against doing fits of hard exerted work.

And I'm reading it idling, a chapter here, a chapter there. Lovely.

how to live like a monk?

I have certainly strayed. Not from any faith or done anything wrong. But strayed from the path, the route, the task I set myself when this blog began.

It was lovely to read back over it. And to remember the idea that had started it - that no-one is wholly responsible for or able to control themselves, there is another hand at play; that of "God".

I am working on a part-time basis again and have been for a month now. Finding it very hard to go easy on myself and not beat myself up when I don't achieve something with my afternoon. Reading back over the importance of meeting people or simply being in better form and less tired if I meet them later on served as a good reminder of why I made the decision. The money is much less and I had hoped to have another means of income up and running by september - which I may yet or may not, I must be gentle with myself. I am managing, more than managing, to survive on my current income.

And with all this beating myself up, I've left very little time for spiritual thoughts, looking for God, seeking peace. I've thought of doing it, I've realised I'd like time out.

In fact, I contemplated living as a Monk. Not a nun. I don't know why I make the differentiation because of course, being a woman, the life of a nun makes more sense.

To spend the day eating, sleeping, and in contemplation. That sounds like my kind of cup of tea.

If my contemplations were a little less self-focussed, it'd be a start.

I've been reminded... & BloggerPlay

... of the important things in life. The things that matter. I haven't posted in so long because I've been busy. Working too hard. Spending my hours sitting in an office. During the summer, it was quiet and I was watching my clock slowly add up to 7 hours a day. And suddenly it became very busy and what with all the other wee projects and ideas I had taking up space in my head - I was overcome and found myself having to retire to bed for five days and call in to work sick. I'm still not energised enough to contemplate a day's work.

But to my sick bed came friends and family. Making lunch for me and letting me boss them around. And we had time to sit together. And to talk. And share jokes and ideas and thoughts. And it's so important.

I used to work part-time but got a notion in my head that I might like to buy a property... or rent in a better part of the city... and so I took on a full time job (in a role that isn't my ideal job). All for money, more or less. When I worked part-time, my afternoons were my own. I was more flexible to make arrangements to meet friends with hectic schedules. I was relaxed and experienced a counter side to life. I really enjoyed that time. I'm sorry it's not the way I'm living currently. I'm going to look into changing back to that lifestyle.

But apart from that realisation, another episode occured just now. I logged on to BloggerPlay. It's a slideshow of the pictures as people are posting on to blogger. Some pics are of groups of people. Some are of landscapes, great scenery. There are sunsets, mountains. People post pics of things they are interested in; that help describe their post I suppose - an idea they have about a painting they saw, perhaps. There was a picture of a house under construction. It is these type of events that life is about.

I know there is the other side of life. The drudgery. The tedium. The plodding along the path which you hope will arrive at your ambitious place. Not all jobs can be challenging, fun; at least not all the time. But I think I need to strive higher than putting up with where I am.

Through this illness and watching other people's pics float by on my screen, I have been reminded that it is of utmost important to pause and question what we're doing with our lives now and again - that at least, even if nothing changes.

Lots of bits & pieces: Life's purpose and other wonderings

Various things happened today.

• I got the chance to read a fair bit: Pages 72-78 of JW's Lapsed Agnostic worth re-reading - finally he is getting to the nub of the issue and not discussing The Peter Pan Factor.
  I visited the Quaker musem in Kilkenny/Kildare county and became curious about the nature of that religion and the necessity of a simple life or even the possibilty of going without [certain things].
  
• Also in the library attached to the museum i picked up a copy of the kildare county sustainable magazine. I had hoped the magazine might contain some info about alternatively-living sustainable communities (ie those not relying on salaries and jobs involving long commutes to cities and cheap rents in suburbs of rural towns); I read something about this in a sourcebook I bought in the amnesty international bookshop a few years ago and have found no information about since - communities in ireland that barter etc... but this mag was a waste of time.
• On the way home, I stopped by a friend's house (it's soooo important to meet people you get on with and understand you and you understand them. meet them regularly. v important.)
• Heath Ledger died last night. I've never been a one for idols or people I admire yet for some reason I respected him. A good actor and oh so good-looking. And now he has died, cause unknown. Owen Wilson's apparent break-down was confusing as well. The idea of celebrity is confusing.
• My uncle, with whom I was travelling through the country, blessed himself as he passed by a church (it happens less now with the bypasses) - that too was a notion to get my head around.
• Also had coffee in a coffee-shop in Kilkenny. Was very much looking forward to it. Coffee at 11 o'clock on a weekday is something I rarely do since I got a full-time job. But the coffee shop was crowded. Who are these people who can sit around and engage with each other, who don't need to be in an office earning shekels to pay for things? And outside sat a fully-robed monk, with sandals and a pocket containing the wallet he would use to pay for his scone and coffee - I mock unfairly - he was conversing with a friend and was joined by another female friend and greeted warmly by a female passerby, they were discussing a great poet when I eavesdropped. These, I feel, are the important things in life: having time for coffee breaks and conversing with friends about ideas that matter to you at the time.
  The least we can do as humans with our time on earth is try to gain an understanding of ourselves and to take responsiblity for ourselves within our picture of humanity.
• I listened to an interview with Marian Finucane a saturday or two ago (she was speaking to a psychotherapist, can't remember his name); the interviewee claimed it's important to read books, I suppose to keep the intellect alive and keep excited by the thoughts and ideas of others in the human race.
• We visited a CoI cathedral in Leighlinstown called St. Lazarian's, the name fascinated me, unfortunately we couldn't enter the church but we wandered around the graveyard.

[couldn't find pic for this post!]