Caoldra

Tá cónaí orm i mbaile fearainn Chaoldra le 5 mhí anuas anois. Bhog mé isteach ar an 26ú Bealtaine agus tá muid anois i mí Deireadh Fomhair - agus an Geimhreadh ag druidim linn.

Tá Caoldra i gCondae Liatroma. Loch álainn den ainm chéanna timpeall an cúinne ón teach.
Ach faraor, tá luchóga ag déanamh a mbealach isteach sa tigín anois. Tá orm an áit a roinnt. Agus ní theastaíonn housemates uaim, go háirithe má táim len iad a mharú. Thrastnaigh siad an teorainn. Seo m'áitse, níl fáilte romhaibh.

Bhí cónaí orm i Má Nuad agus mé páirteach i "Resilient Community" ansin agus le feirm darbh ainm Derrybeg Farm. Sampla de Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) is ea an feirm. Bhí cairdis nua á bhunú agam agus daoine breátha á chastáil orm... agus d'fhág mé i mo dhiaidh iad.

Theastaigh níos mó spáis uaim. Bím ag obair ón mbaile. Theastaigh seomra uaim do gach tasc! Seomra suite, seomra bia/cistin, seomra leapan, seomra staidéir / oifig, seomra fúála, seomra folcadh. Agus tá siad sin ar fad agam.
Scríobhfaidh mé níos mó arís, táim éigcinnte faoina bhfuil uaim. Faoi dheacrachtaí an tuath etc.

An experiment in country living

I've taken a house in Leitrim. Renting. Found it on daft. It was advertised as a three-bedroom house. But really it has two reception rooms and two bedrooms. At any rate, it has more space than the apartment I was sharing with a flatmate in Maynooth. Here, I can afford the rent for the full house on my own.
The reason I moved, in one sentence is:

I wanted more space

I work as a freelancer. And I have taken up dressmaking. So I need an office and a sewing-studio.
But other ideas and reasons that I moved were...

• living in the countryside
• a more "simple" way of life

There is an aspiration among some of my friends to live "off-grid". It is seen as a badge of honour. To be able to live off-grid. To shun the world, society and all ills that goes with it and compose your own requirements and bring them about. I don't go this far, I think off-grid is often only made possible with the use of a solar voltaic cellular panel - and what kind of society brought that about?! It can't be all bad! Why shun it? But that's unfair, not all off-griders are shunners. In fact, in some remote locations, it's practical to generate one's own electricity, heating etc.
So yes, some part of me wanted to challenge this within myself and wonder if it's something I aspire to and how I might go about it if it was...
Additionally

• get away from people

People tire me, exhaust me, confuse me, distract me from my own thoughts. It would be nice to get away from cities and people. And on the flip-side, with the people I would meet, hopefully the relationships would be more real and not formed from a basis of consumerism.
My fear, however, was that I would go mad with loneliness.

The first few days, the weather was unusually cold for late May... all thoughts of avoiding oil-fired heating and lighting daily fires in the fireplaces quickly disappeared with the effort required. The unrelenting task of keeping an eye on the fires. Having fuel in stock. Cleaning. The dirt. Within week, I had rung the oil company and got a fill for the tank out the back. I am a cold person, I like to be comfortably warm. Learning point #1. I *could* do fire-lighting but I'd need to have prepared a stock of fuel in advance and it would become a large eater of my time. I'd rather do other things with my time and my life than enabling my living. If there's a switch I can flick, that's enabling thinking and more complex forms of living and engaging with life. Maslow, I was paying attention to your theory of the Hierarchy of Needs.

Space.
Undoubtedly, having space is wonderful. Although breaking up my duties and tasks into separate rooms, i.e. eating and food preparation = kitchen; leisure activities = sitting room; sewing = sewing room; work = office; hasn't really worked out because the sun and the light is different during the day and it was awful to have my office in the north-facing small room in the back. I think good design can compensate for lots of space though. For example, my bedroom doesn't need to be so big. Especially seeing as I have a dressing room in a separate room to my sleeping/bed room!

Internet
Also, very early on, I realised internet is a huge part of my life now. Mobile phone reception was poor so I got a landline telephone. I tried a few options of internet - having concluded that going to the local library was not feasible for a freelancer (especially one working in the publishing industry!) - and ended with a satellite dish. Excellent internet access now. Even without my work, I think it's hard to live in the modern life without internet - notices are posted online or on facebook now, posters and signs and newsletters can't be relied on for full updates, mind you word of mouth is still the best. I've heard of dance classes and a watercolour painting group and a Crafty Ladies get-together through the people I've met at a knitting circle.

Rubbish
Oddly, dealing with my rubbish and waste is something I *am* happy to tackle. I choose my purchases a little more carefully in the supermarket. I haven't paid for a rubbish collection. I burn some of my waste (paper), and compost some more. I admit to using my mam's or my aunt's waste collection but it certainly is getting me to think about waste generation, packaging etc and these problems are something I am happy to tackle and overcome - unlike internet access for example!

Loneliness and restriced activities are definitely a challenge. I have to drive everywhere. I don't have any friends yet. I have met a French artist/farmer and we are enjoying each other's company, I go to a knitting group in a nearby library.

Power Poses

I have written before about child's pose and kneeling for prayer; also sitting in a meditation chair. I believe physical postures stir the body to think or act. In a recent Ted talk I heard, Amy Cuddy spoke of the Power Pose. And here it is:

Tá breis is dhá bhliain caite ó scríobh mé anseo go deireanach. B'shin tús mo chuid smaointeachais maidir le h-obair feistis don stáitse. Nach suimiúl sin! Gurb amhlaigh is gur stop mé den chuardach ar Dhia agus an cuardach eile seo faoi bhráid agam - agus anois, níl fonn orm níos mó dul sa tóir ar an tslí bheatha sin... agus seo mé ar ais ag blagáil arís! Nó b'fhéidir nach bhfuil mé th'éis sos ceart a thabhairt dom féin ón am sin. Tá mé ag obair asam féin anois le beagnach dhá bhliain anuas. Nílim ag tuilleamh mórán airgid, táim ar ghanntanas airgead i gcónaí leis an fhírinne a rá. Ach caithim mo chuid airgead ar eitiltí agus cuirim béim ar am a chaitheamh le cairde agus in éineacht le daoine. Táim ag déanamh éagóir orm féin, áfach, mar níl sé cóir nach mbeadh fuílleach airgid agam chun bia mhaith a chur ar mo bhord.
Bia, aclaíocht, agus codladh - sin iad na riachtanais chun duine a choinneáil ina mheabhar cheart. Ríomhaireacht, obair, buairt - sheolfadh siadsan duine ar bith as a meabhar!

Ar dhein mé cúram díom féin inniu?

Is fealsúnaí é mo dheartháir. Rinne sé staidéar ar an bhfealsúnacht san ollscoil. Inné, dúirt sé rud an-chiallmhar. Bhíomar ag caint faoi athrú dearcadh. Meon a athrú i leith an chaoi a mbreathnaíonn tú ar suíomh faoi leith. Go gcabhraíonn sin le dearfacht agus pléigh le suíomhanna áirithe. Mar shampla, in ionad bheith mí-shona faoin bpost atá agam, glacaim leis go bhfuil ceangail agam le Baile Átha Cliath mar gur ansin atá an oifig.
Tá muid beirt freisin ag obair asainn féin go cruthaíodh; go neamhspléach ó fhostóir. Árdaíonn seo an cheist: "Cad is lá fiúntach ann?" Tháinig athrú dearcadh ar mo dheartháir le déanaí i leith na ceiste seo. An cheist nua atá aige ná: "Ar dhein mé cúram díom féin inniu?", sé sin "ar ith mé go maith?", "an bhfuair mé fuíollach codladh?", "an ndearnadh mé cleachtadh coirp?" agus mar sin de. Agus má tá freagra dearfach leis an cheist, sin lá fiúntach.

'S nach fada, 's nach faide, 's nach fadó

Is fada ó scríobh mé anseo. Ach ná ceap go bhfuil Dia aimsithe nó go bhfuil gach rud mar is ceart. Ná ceap nach raibh gá agam an obair seo a leannacht orm.

Táim tógtha le tograí fúála anois agus blog nua tosaithe agam lena n-aghaidh.
Seo linn. Beimís gnóthach. Ní dócha gur fiú bheith faiteach faoi bheith gnóthach. Faitíos faoi dhaoine a ligeann síos b'fhéidir. Ach tuigeann daoine, dar liom.
Mar a deirtear ar fhógraí slándála ar eitleáin: "tabhair aire do'd mhasc slándála féin roimh cúram a dheánamh do pháistí agus do dhaoine eile".

Ní fiú faic muid muna bhfuil muide muid féin slán.

Prayer and praying

I have made a meditation corner in my bedroom. I have long had an ambition to have a tokonoma. One way I thought I might achieve this was to have a high bed in my room and have the tokonoma underneath. Recently, an opportunity came my way to acquire such a bed - a custom made solid wood bed from my brother. Unfortunately, his ceiling was 9 foot tall. And mine a mere 7. The legs would need to be shortened. And I didn't want to destroy the lovely bed. So, with that idea gone, I set about creating a corner for my chair. In its new position it is less likely to have coats and books dumped on it.

At the same time as creating this space, I purchased The Glenstal Book of Daily Prayer and have been using it for the past ten days. It contains lauds and vespers for each week day over two weeks. It recommends certain gestures, saying "human beings are embodied people and the body too must play its part in our relationship with God". This harked back to one of my earliest posts about particular physical positions. I don't pray every morning and evening, but I don't chastise myself, simply move the bookmark along to the page that is relevant at this time. And I begin to find myself yearning for my ten minutes of prayer and the opening and closing of the day. I still cringe at the "Christ" references - Christ as man etc. But I am very taken with "God" and asking him to listen, to "open my lips", praising him. Admitting sins - I have a problem with the idea of sin. Humility - I strive for it. Some prayers are repetitive from day to day. Some repetitive in the session. I light a candle.

Of all ideas that come from prayer and God, the one I find most reassuring is the giving over of some control to "His will". I cannot be wholly responsible for every path my life takes, although I can try to do my upmost. This thought is very powerful and comforting to me.

Cynics

One of the lovely things of having afternoons free is the time to read and educate oneself. Currently Rathmines library is closed for renovations. I feel if it were open, I would get around the reading much more because I could retreat there for the afternoon. At any rate, I have managed to complete Cynics written by William Desmond. It was easy to read because it is so well-written. It is gently humorous, brimful of arguments and thoughts on all sides of the fence, and informative.

Cynicism - if I am to understand correctly and summarise here - is a (loose) philosophical movement. They lived in the moment. Surviving on basic requirements - food from bushes, a cloth covering, shelter in caves... They didn't have an organised religion, didn't believe in the politics of city/state/Athens or in marital and familial relations.

I think they took it a step too far. It's all very well to choose to be a recluse and an outcast in society but it's not everyone's cup of tea!

The greatest thing I took from reading the book is that other people in other civilisations and at other times also questioned society's routines and habits and made a life for themselves outside of that.